


A Mother's Love

by joyfulesbian



Category: Dimension 20 (Web Series), Fantasy High
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Really just a look at Hallariel's character giving her a little depth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:48:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24386158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joyfulesbian/pseuds/joyfulesbian
Summary: Hallariel had never expected to be a mother and yet here she was, a mother. How else to cope other than a sensory deprivation chamber and endless bottles of wine far away from the son she didn't know how to mother.(Mainly just a character analysis of Hallariel Seacaster and why she is the way she is in FH)
Relationships: Cathilda & Fabian Aramais Seacaster, Hallariel Seacaster & Cathilda, Hallariel Seacaster & Fabian Seacaster
Comments: 1
Kudos: 40





	A Mother's Love

Hallariel was Solace’s greatest fencer, she managed to not only take the eye but the _heart_ of Bill Seacaster. She had lived for just over two centuries (though much of the last fifteen years were a drunken blur) and yet she still felt like she didn’t have anything figured out. She had planned to just waste away in Kei Lummenura until it was time to take over for her father. Nothing interesting happened there, it was just her and the grapes. Which was suffocating most times but it’s not like she could leave. Where would she go? She didn’t know anyone outside of the vineyard, and she didn’t really have any money (definitely not enough to start a whole new life). So Hallariel had just resigned herself to a life of never-ending sameness and grapes.

That was until she met Bill, he was so interesting to her. He did what he wanted and didn’t care much for the consequences. It was exhilarating, to meet someone who had been all over the world and genuinely believed he could conquer it all. Their meet-cute was one for the storybooks he was trying to pillage Kei Lumennura and she cut his eye out in retaliation. It was love at first disfiguring. He proposed on the spot and she figured _fuck it why not?_ Kei Lumennura was suffocating and Bill made her feel alive, plus she knew if it came down to it she could just kill him and return home. Though as time went on she grew to love him more than she had loved anyone before him as they traveled all over Spyre. Bill would steal and pillage and Hallariel got to use her swordsmanship for more than just fancy tricks and the gifts, oh the _gifts,_ anything she could ever dream of Bill would bring her.

However much to Hallariel’s dismay, nothing lasts forever. Eventually Bill wanted to settle down and retire from his life of piracy. They moved to Solace, a place where he could be absolved of his sins and build his legacy. He wanted his legacy to be something that would prevent him from ever being forgotten and would survive long after he was gone. This to Bill was a child, someone who adored and idolized him and would tell the stories of their father’s escapes for years to come. This couldn’t be any child though, it had to be a child with the woman he _loved,_ not just the offspring of a one night stand. When Bill spoke of them having children he spoke of it with so much love that Hallariel couldn’t imagine not giving him that. So nine months later Fabian Aramaris Seacaster was born. The perfect combination of Hallariel and Bill, this tiny little half-elf who was her greatest joy and greatest sorrow. A symbol of a broken promise to herself. Hallariel didn’t know the first thing about being a mother due to the glaring mother shaped hole in her life and it’s not like Telemaine was any help. Her father was more concerned with dew on blades of grass than being a parent. There was nothing for her to go off of and no one to turn to for advice, so she had promised herself she would never be a parent. But here she was swaddling this adorable half-elf in her arms and she felt nothing but sadness.

Sadness that there was now a child who looked to her for everything and she didn’t have any answers for him. So instead of giving him the wrong answers, she turned to an endless bottle of wine and a sensory deprivation chamber. There Hallariel was far away from small elves who had big questions and even bigger needs and she didn’t have the chance to ruin him. A small part of her thought it was selfish but a bigger part of her feared her newfound responsibility so she drowned them both out with fine elven wine. As Fabian grew older he and Bill grew closer and he didn’t need her anymore. He was his father’s son and proud to be it and Hallariel felt like she could breathe again. It was without her influence her son became beautiful and strong and that proved he never needed her to begin with. So she floated around the house and gave him love and affection in the only way she knew how: giving him anything he wanted. This way she could provide for him without hurting him. This way was better, she told herself constantly, and she almost believed it.

That was until he was standing there in front of her screaming and shaking her, begging her _please_ _just be a person_. Telling her _they’re all going to die_ and smacking the wine glass out of her hands and all she could do was stare. It had been so long since she truly let herself feel anything that even in that moment where her son was pleading with her to _get a grip_ she couldn’t understand what he wanted from her. It wasn’t until she saw the panic and fear in his eyes she realized he needed _her_ and he needed her _now_. It wasn’t good enough to just look like his mother, she actually had to _be_ his mother. In an instant, everything snapped back to her and she took up her sword. She might not know how to be his mother but she does know her way around a sword and if keeping herself alive was enough to keep him alive she could do that.

After the death of Bill, she knew she had to step things up, become more present in her son’s life but she didn’t know _how_. The closest inkling to motherhood she had was teaching Fabian how to defend himself more effectively. Bill knew how to brawl, he could take hit after hit and be fine, he didn’t fight to survive, he fought for the thrill. He saw fighting as something you did until you took your last breath. Which was fine if you were trying to kill as many people as possible and deal large amounts of damage but it was sloppy, dangerous, and usually ended with the person dying. Hallariel, on the other hand, knew how to fence. Fencing was all about self-defense. To be a good fencer was to know how to maximize damage while minimizing injury. Every move was well thought out and you would never be so careless that you’d leave yourself open to injury. Fabian needed to learn not only how to fight effectively but also how to protect himself effectively because he was her baby and she didn’t think she could go through seeing him hurt like that again. So Hallariel taught Fabian to fence, hoping he understood she wanted to keep him safe.

Every morning before dawn she would wake Fabian up and they would train on top of Seacaster manor. They would spar for hours and every time she would manage to disarm him and knock him to the ground. She wouldn’t show mercy, her blade pointed at his throat, digging in just enough for him to feel the imminent danger he could be in if he wasn't careful. Sure it was harsh but she knew his enemies would be harsh and by coddling him she was weakening him. However, Hallariel wasn’t heartless and every time he ended up disarmed she would stop and go over where he went wrong. She would show him disarming techniques and how to use someone else’s momentum to knock them prone. After a couple of weeks, Fabian seemed to be getting the hang of it, and his style of fighting while still reminiscent of Bill’s also began to reflect hers. She saw herself in the way he stayed light on his feet and never let his defenses down even when sparring. It brought her joy to see that he was actually learning because teaching him anything was a chore. Fabian was very confident, much like his father, and thought himself invincible. Fabian didn’t think there was anything wrong with the way he fought and that worried Hallariel more than she ever let on. She worried that his confidence was actually cockiness and it was going to get him killed. Bill had no shortage of enemies and many of them would love to see Fabian killed in place of his father, but Hallariel had yet to figure out how to talk to her son. Fighting was one thing, but motherly advice still seemed out of her reach. It didn’t seem her place to tell him what to do after all these years. So she didn’t say anything, she instead kissed his head and told him she loved him before retiring to her quarters. This way was easier, she told herself.

When Fabian told her he was leaving Solace on a mission to find the Nightmare King’s crown she worried. The world’s big and scary and he would be on his own out of her reach. The thought of Fabian defenseless and away from her scared her to no end. Not that she would tell him that, not that Hallariel dwelled on it for more than a second a time. Fabian was his father’s son _and_ an adventurer, she had always known this day was coming. She couldn’t stop him even though she wanted to. So she suggested he take Cathilda, knowing Cathilda could take care of him when she couldn’t and wished him luck on his journey.

After two weeks had passed since Fabian and all the "bad kids" had left Hallariel had gotten word that Fabian was in her homeland she figured it was time to pay him (and her home) a visit. Returning to Kai Lummenura was hard for Hallariel; it reminded her of the almost endless time she had left on this earth, the life she had left behind in search of something better, and all of the things that were still out of her reach. She had to look a father, who was never really a father, in the eyes and confront the fact that she might have become the thing she was trying to avoid this whole time. She had to admit she was sheltered for most of her life and that she was helpless without a staff to wait on her every whim. She had to look at the elven heritage she abandoned to chase a sliver of hope, a high that she knew she could never reach again.

When she saw her darling boy again, Hallariel found a shell of the boy she knew. She saw a boy who had been broken and was struggling to put the pieces back together and in that moment Hallariel knew she had failed as his mother. Listening to him cry and talk about leading all of those clueless pirates to their death she realized she had let Bill fill his head with delusions of grandeur and invincibility because he would outlive the average human. She had removed herself from her role of mother in fear of ruining him and she let Bill project all of his issues into their beautiful amazing boy. She should have been there, she could have prevented this. If she hadn’t spent the last 15 years in a drunken blur and instead was a mother to her son she could have prevented this unnecessary pain that came from a boy flying too close to the sun. But Hallariel was scared and she wasn’t there so Fabian paid the price. She felt some comfort in knowing that he was coming out of it stronger, he was rebuilding him into a man in his own right. A man that was separate from Bill and separate from her, someone uniquely his own. When they parted so he could wish Cathilda goodbye Hallariel stayed nearby.

Sitting just out of his vision, knees drawn to her chest, eyes bloodshot, and head pounding from a never-ending hangover Hallariel listened to him talk to Cathilda. She heard the way he regarded her with warmth and love and in a moment of weakness she peeked around from the tree she hid behind and watched him embrace their maid as she called him her son. She watched at how effortlessly Cathilda returned all of Fabian’s love in a way Hallariel had always been too afraid to and felt an aching sadness. Hallariel wanted to do that, to _be_ that for Fabian, he was _her_ boy and he shouldn’t have had to look for motherly love from anyone but her. Her heart ached as she finally realized all the love she hadn’t given him in the years previous was given to him by Cathilda. Hallariel felt determined to change that, she was grateful Cathilda could be his second mother but she wanted to be his first. So as Cathilda and Hallariel walked off together preparing to make the long trip home she asked Cathilda how she was able to be a mother to her son and if she would teach her how to do the same.

**Author's Note:**

> This was written late at night and was not edited for anything besides general content so if you see a mistake, no you didn't. 
> 
> Find me on twitter @thesevenmaidens.


End file.
